just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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