id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
