i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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