he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
