No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
