Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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