Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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