Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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