The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize