i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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