We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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