we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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