Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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