Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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