would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
