do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
