Welp...herpes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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