Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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