I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
