Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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