I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
