You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
