When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
