i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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