i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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