So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
