I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
