I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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