Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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