Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
