he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
