Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was CRYING into my vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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