I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
