Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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