so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
