I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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