You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
