Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize