I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize