I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
