This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
