eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
