I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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