and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
