"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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