I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
