Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
