Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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