Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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