Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
