she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
