I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
