My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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