how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
