A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
