So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
