omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
