can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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