i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
