porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize