okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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