perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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