They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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