I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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