Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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