Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
