he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
