sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
